Thursday, January 21, 2016

Holy shit, it's my ten-year blogging anniversary and the B Channel's five-year anniversary!

(The anger at my fellow man, my pretentious spelling of "theatre"...ahhhh, this is golden!)

Such grand aspirations! EXCEPT. I veered off course. Instead of sticking to the topics above, I became an adult. A fucking adult who writes about the bullshit of being an adult instead of about Aaron Carter.

Well, not today.

In honor of spending a decade of my life spouting off to a mostly apathetic internet about the unique perils of going through life as Becky Heineke, below are mini-entries on all of the topics mentioned in the post above - the things that this blog originally existed to encapsulate (and that MySpace always did encapsulate).

Buckle up, bitches.

A Book Review

You know what, I didn't like Wild. Deal with it.

A Running Report

After weeks, nay months, of using my cantaloupe-sized ankle as an excuse, I am finally back on the running wagon. My ankle is naught but the size of a wee apple these days, and has nearly regained its full range of motion. Ah, how I will never again take my leg and foot joints for granted!

(Kidding, of course! I obviously already am back to taking my leg and foot joints for granted. That's what we do as humans: we don't appreciate what we have until we lose it, and then when we regain it, we don't appreciate it all over again. WORDS O' WISDOM.)

A Facebook Complaint 

Effing Facebook. I do not even know what is happening with the 9 right now. I halfheartedly tried a few stalking exercises late last year to see if I could come up with some new theories, but my use of the word "halfheartedly" earlier in this sentence should have already indicated to you that I was not successful.

Facebook has become so lame I can't even be bothered to come up with conspiracy theories about it anymore. Modern life is so overrated.

A Cheap Beer of the Month

Today we are going to tackle a cheap beer that is near and dear to my heart: Miller Lite (in a can).

Gas station or grocery store: Er, neither. I buy this at bars. (I used to primarily buy beer at gas stations and groceries stores, but nowadays I'm mostly a social drinker and only purchase beer at stores for "special occasions," like "questioning my existence while drinking alone.")

Price: $3 for 16 oz. at the Slider Inn, meaning a buzz before you hit $10.

Swill quality: It's up there. Drinking a Miller Lite is not unlike drinking the spit of someone who just drank a full-bodied Miller.

Packaging/label: The retro Miller Lite can is the best thing about Miller Lite. Nowhere does the word "Miller" appear, because that is the kind of confidence Miller Lite has. Undercover and all class, with its "fine pilsner" motto and all...would I go so far as to say Miller Lite is the James Bond of domestic lite beer packaging? I think I just did.

Shame factor: None. Shame is something for people with pride.

Overall: This is my favorite beer. It is my go-to anytime I am out. I am constantly made fun of because of it, and that only makes me love it more. Anything that offends people's sense of decency must be awesome. And so is Miller Lite. See other cheap beer reviews.

A Movie

I probably won't be seeing The Revenant, but it's nice to see Leonardo DiCaprio is still making emotionally scarring movies that make people want to throw up after leaving the theater. (You go get that Oscar, boy!)

A Music

Can we talk about Selena Gomez for a minute? I never got her until "Same Old Love" came out, and then, all the sudden, it was like, I got Selena Gomez.

"My body's had enough" is one of the truest lyrics of our times.

Things I Love

Here are ten things I love:
  1. Kittens
  2. Constellations
  3. Smiles
  4. Happy endings
  5. Infectious enthusiasm
  6. Believing
  7. Deep breaths
  8. Laughing until there are tears
  9. The rush of possibility
  10. Feeling strong

Things I Will Not - Under Any Circumstances - Tolerate

Lack of turn signal use. Seriously, what is wrong with you that you don't do this. Also, when you ask someone a question and they don't answer. I can't think of a single thing about humanity that is dumber than this.

An Aaron Carter Update

After Googling this boy (man?) we generously continue to pretend once had a career, I ran across an article from a mere week ago saying that 2016 will be the year that Aaron Carter releases new music (!).

I am so happy. I am so happy that when I Google Aaron's name, there are things from as recently as a week ago.

Today in Beatles History

George Harrison and Pattie Boyd got married in 1966! After her marriage to George ended, Pattie married Eric Clapton. I wouldn't mind being Pattie Boyd when I grow up.

An Old MySpace Blog

Eh, I did that above. But what the hell, here's a bonus one from April 23, 2006:

Becky's Unsolicited Movie Reviews: The Grudge

Call me crazy, but pale little Japanese boys who yowl like cats scare the shit out of me. For those (like me) who steer clear of gore, this is just a good old-fashioned freak-fest guaranteed to instill a permanent uneasiness about Tokyo. If you liked Hostel, you may think this one a little weak.  Also, you're a sick bastard and never speak to me.

An Overpopulation Post

Twitter, man. The fact that this is a thing...THAT, to me, says that there are too many people on Earth.


And with that, here beginneth the next ten years of my writing career, hooray! Oh, if the Becky of back-then could see me now. (Actually, if she could see me now, she'd be wondering why I don't laugh more. Man, when did life become so serious?! Life is not that serious. Related: holy hell, I'm going to be 34 tomorrow...)


  1. I like this post. I need to emulate you and do a posting of my own like this. If only what I think in my brain could go directly to post I wouldn't have to keep thinking, I should blog about this.

  2. P.S. I loved Patti Boyd, I thought she was the cutest with those bridge bangs. I too wanted to be her.

  3. I'm glad you liked it! I had a lot of fun writing it - it was a nice exercise in doing things differently and going to a place in my head I haven't been in a while. I highly recommend doing something similar!! :) It was done in a rush, too, which I think made it even more fun; I didn't realize about the date until the day before, so it was like, either dive in or don't do anything.

    And yes, damn that Pattie Boyd and her infinite coolness... :)