Becky (Finally) Responds to the Terrible Facebook Home Video

I watched the promo for Facebook Home.  And then I decided the script needed a rewrite.


We carry our phones wherever we go.

They're with us almost every second of the day.

We reach for them when our brains want a kick of dopamine, or because we're too lazy to use our own memories to store information.

More than anything, we use our phones to disconnect from our immediate surroundings and to distract us from the people who are physically with us.

This is Facebook Home.

From the moment you turn on your phone, you cannot escape the nightmare of never being rid of your friends' incessant and insipid Facebook updates.

Your latest messages, calls, and updates are unavoidable, which will hinder your productivity and result in endless stress and anxiety as you attempt to respond to them all.

And you can keep chatting from any app, so no matter what you're doing, you will never be able to escape the weight of everyone you have ever met having instant access to you.

Home.

The same old experience for your phone.  Except worse.

(For Android only; fuck you, Apple.)

(Seriously, I can't believe they actually used a woman checking her phone in the middle of the night to try to sell this.  I guess this is the type of thing we're going to get now that Zuck is a Republican.)