Thursday, November 8, 2012

Becky Heineke Single-Handedly Takes Down Drudge Report Story; Saves America, Twitter

It recently came to my attention that there was a bit of a stir a few weeks back when a fake Jake Gyllenhaal on Twitter tweeted an endorsement of Mitt Romney, and the Drudge Report (which is, for anyone who is unfamiliar with it, a notoriously conservative news aggregator...sort of like The Huffington Post of the right, but with 1997-level web graphics and run by a guy with some sort of creepy fedora fetish) thought it was real and ran with it.

Subsequently, Twitter crashed.

Then someone did some poking and found out it was fake account, and the story was taken down and Twitter came back up.  (This actually happened.)

How did they know this Jake was fake?

Because I SAID SO.

An I'm Stalking Jake post of mine was used as the source of refutation by Mediaite, and do we know for sure that that very post was the post that led to the story being taken down?  Who the fuck knows?!  Except probably not...but MAYBE, and that's close enough for me to take credit for it.



(And, for the four billionth time, Jake Gyllenhaal's ass.)



  1. Haha something you should be proud of. Fake jakes still? Really?!

    1. I know, right?! And not only Fake Jakes…THE SAME FAKE JAKES!! Like, seriously, apparently no one bothers to harass these people anymore until they go away. It’s a sad, sad Jake world out there without the JW/ISJ contingency leading the pack…

  2. You are MADE of AWESOME!!!!

    (and you may quote me) =)

    1. :D

      Does this mean I should claim that I, personally, made Tagg Romney cry??? I think YES. I think that I am definitely willing to take it that far. :D :D :D

  3. how annoying that by saving the world your also saving him, does this frustration never end?! ;-)

    and I agree with sam, STILL fake jakes?

    and I obviously also agree with cc - you ARE made of awesome!

    1. You just have to wonder if Jake would even still HAVE a career if I hadn’t come along. I mean, really. :)

      (You know, it was funny, out of nowhere, I had this really bizarre urge to Google his name yesterday. And BAM, this story popped up immediately. I guess the universe was waiting for me to get past my election hysteria before it decided to alert me to the fact that this had happened. :))

  4. Looks like our boy has a new girl.

  5. Look at that! And she's neither blonde nor famous!

    In keeping with the theme of this post, I will point out that this didn't happen until AFTER we had the epic discussion a few posts back about how he should start dating women who aren't blonde and famous. So I think we can claim fully responsibility for this development.

    I will also take credit for Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez breaking up within days of his concert here in Memphis.

    1. Personally, I don't think she's a "girlfriend" in the truest sense . . I've had friends that are guys whom I've never done anything more than hug or hold hands . . and they've been my bestest buds. She could just be a good friend. To me, it doesn't seem like he's overwhelmed with affection for her. Plus, Austin Nichols is there too . . Jake had his guy friend along. So, definitely not a couple thing.

      But Becky, I'm shocked most of all that you didn't mention - now that he's held her hand in public, it all goes downhill from here!

      (How timely this shows up after all the Taylor hoopla too. Are you thinking what I am??)

    2. Oh and . . . YOU ARE THE SHIT!!! I bet you could single handedly turn the entire internet around with one fell swoop.

      Okay, well . . maybe I'm being a bit overly dramatic but I wouldn't be surprised!!

      (Momentarily returning to the 'new girl' - Jake's reps have already denied a relationship, calling her a "long-time friend.")

    3. HAHA, YES, if the world would only entrust the internet to me, I could have it fixed in no time!! :D :D :D

      Well, that denial didn’t take long! Didn’t Jake switch agencies not that long ago? Or am I making that up? If so, maybe he’s finally got a team working with him who will stay on top of this PR business (although I completely agree that, denial aside, it’s interesting timing for him to show up holding hands with another woman NOW!).

      I guess I didn’t pay that close attention because I didn’t realize Austin was there, too. That should give the Toothy Tile people something to talk about for the next, oh, five years of their lives… :P

    4. Oh YES, I can hear all the stories of diversion and beardedness starting already! LOL

      Yeah, I think he switched and followed Maggie. She went with a new firm first.

      So what are you plotting next for world domination? ;)

  6. Get a load of this nonsense!!! Specifically check out the comment from OwlGirl at 12:23, about 5 or 6 comments from the top. What the bloody hell are these people smoking!?!?? That asswipe Ted from E! should have been stopped a long time ago. Did you notice his column is gone? It went away a short time after Jake got his new management - but do I sound like these godot weirdos . . . or is it coincidence?

    I'm having a hoot reading this stuff!!

    1. WHOA, Teddy C is GONE?! Wow. Maybe I don't actually have that much work to do in terms of cleaning up the internet after all... :)

      The problem with Casablanca was not so much in his specifics but in what he stood for: he made his living making other people's private lives public. I don't care what parts of what he wrote were true or untrue. These are real people, and they owe us absolutely nothing aside from showing us a good time when we pay money to watch them in movies. Period. It's no one's goddamn business what they do in their private lives and it was a really, seriously unfortunate side effect of his column that thousands - literally thousands - of individuals have wasted away weeks, months, even years of their lives trying to reconstruct Jake Gyllenhaal's life based on Ted's column.

      And don't even get me started on the people at Godot talking about the secret 5-year-old child and how "the rest of us" are in denial, like Republicans on Fox News.

      Yes. Because THAT is the lesson we all learned on election night, of course. That the mainstream was completely wrong and the fringe group off to the side with their crazy conspiracy theories was right all along...

    2. Well, I'm not sure if he's still with E! or not but his noxious column ended in July, yes. He's got to be one of the most despicable people on this planet (along with Perez) for exactly why you just detailed absolutely perfectly. I don't know how E! justified keeping him on the payroll - their morals must be in the shitter also.

      I seriously can't even spend more than a few minutes at that godot site. The people there are certifiable. And yes, I'd be willing to bet that most, if not all, were Mitty supporters. After all . . you know what they say about certain birds flocking together.

  7. I dunno about you guys but ive never held hands walking down the street with a male "friend" Maybe its just not custom here but that is a sign of something more in our country. So.. makes me wonder.

    Did they not know these photos were being taken (doubt it) and they are now trying to cover it up but getting officials to say shes just a friend...

    Are these photos another set up to get people talking about something else? (obviously he took all our advice from the last blog, non famous and dark hair)

    Or -dare I say it- Does Jake now feel he has to have a random girl hanging off him so that he can see and hang out with his mate Austin and take the focus of that. (that would explain the rediculous smile on the girls face!)

    Body language is also very interesting to note... Or confusing. One or the other.

    1. A momentary snap of holding someone's hand doesn't really say how long they clasped hands . . and for most of the others, they weren't. Unless someone can find a video of this . . it looks like she was more "into" him than he was "into" her. But . . whatever. Yeah, I've grabbed a good friend's hand that was a guy and held it for a few seconds in fooling around or joking or similar. It's not a super strong sign of -anything-. Now, if he would have kissed her or put his arm around her . . then I'd say there's more there.

      Funny how these are "long time friends" but I never see these girls/guys before or after. Who knows. She may just be someone from his synagogue or maybe she's the friend of Austin.

      There's so much speculation as to the relationship between Jake and Austin but for why people never just accept it as being friends, I have no clue. Usually, the simplest answer is the truth. I highly doubt they are gay and in a romantic relationship. I just don't see Jake not making it known that he is by now . . especially after having made BBM. But that's me.