Restless

It’s only natural to go through periods of restlessness, but for the past week, for no reason that I can account for, I’ve felt like I’m about to jump out of my skin.

Second semester of my senior year of college, the phrase I uttered more than any other was, “I’m on top of things.”  Had I studied for finals yet?  “I’m on top of things.”  Had I finished my lab report?  “I’m on top of things.”  Had I been working on my memoir/taped Angel/finished my painting?  “I’m on top of things.”

It seemed like every person I knew struggled with procrastination, yet the more they put things off, the further ahead I worked; by the end of my college career, I was perpetually ahead of schedule.  Not that this made me a better student (or a better anything) than my friends.  If anything, it made me more frustrated.  There were parties to go to and concerts to see but everyone was always “too busy.” (Infinitely less self-assured at 22 than I am now, it never would have occurred to me to do any of those things on my own.)

That’s the closest I can come to explaining how I feel at the moment:  as if I’m on top of things, but life itself is telling me “not now; I’m too busy.”

I fully accept responsibility for my own destiny, but for the first time, I'm appreciating the deep good that came from having a foundation-shaking graduation thrust upon me to carry me out of monotony...