Monday, April 22, 2013

Becky (Finally) Responds to the Terrible Facebook Home Video

I watched the promo for Facebook Home.  And then I decided the script needed a rewrite.

We carry our phones wherever we go.

They're with us almost every second of the day.

We reach for them when our brains want a kick of dopamine, or because we're too lazy to use our own memories to store information.

More than anything, we use our phones to disconnect from our immediate surroundings and to distract us from the people who are physically with us.

This is Facebook Home.

From the moment you turn on your phone, you cannot escape the nightmare of never being rid of your friends' incessant and insipid Facebook updates.

Your latest messages, calls, and updates are unavoidable, which will hinder your productivity and result in endless stress and anxiety as you attempt to respond to them all.

And you can keep chatting from any app, so no matter what you're doing, you will never be able to escape the weight of everyone you have ever met having instant access to you.


The same old experience for your phone.  Except worse.

(For Android only; fuck you, Apple.)

(Seriously, I can't believe they actually used a woman checking her phone in the middle of the night to try to sell this.  I guess this is the type of thing we're going to get now that Zuck is a Republican.)


  1. I knew you would "like" the Facebook Home Video and this is a good response! Yes to the seeking . . . rather than stepping away from the computer and doing something else, I keep seeking a reward like the next level up on CastleVille!

    1. This was maybe a little bitter, but it was the gentlest version of it that I came up with! I had another, longer version that was more psycho, and I figured at least this one had the benefit of being short while being psycho. :)

      Yes! Seeking! Even attempting to be hyper-aware of it (and not being a CastleVille player) I still find it hard at times to pull myself away. It's disheartening to see the worst aspects of "constant connection" being exploited and celebrated in an advertisement. Damn Facebook...

    2. Wait...

      are you saying you are not waking in the middle of the night, with your loved one next to you, to check who might have sent some insignificant update???

      I am baffled.

      Annie Sasha ;)

    3. Hahaha, I know...what is WRONG with me?!!