Monday, January 24, 2011

ACTUAL AARON CARTER NEWS: That Bitch Be in Rehab, Bitches

Today is not just the day when I start this blog in earnest by posting overly-long and melodramatic entries about my birthday, it's also the day when we start our regular feature "ACTUAL AARON CARTER NEWS."

Luckily for me, after promising Aaron Carter updates, I learned that today there is ACTUAL AARON CARTER NEWS via MySpace's Facebook page (.).  Aaron Carter is, of course, notable because he did one good thing in his entire life, and that was the song/video "Aaron's Party (Come Get It)" back in 2000:

If you aren't familiar with Aaron, you a) suck and b) should study this analogy: 

Aaron Carter : Justin Bieber :: Hilary Duff : Miley Cyrus

Got it?  I hope so 'cause we're moving on to the news, which is that Aaron C is in rehab now FOR BEING LAME, i.e., for "emotional and spiritual reasons," and no, I don't got a goddamned clue what that fuckin' means but that motherfucker is old as shit now:

Looking at that picture makes me feel a hundred times older than anyone saying anything to me about being 29.

So obviously we'll be following his recovery.  And THANK YOU, MYSPACE, for still being there for me with what's important in life.


  1. I love this!!! He definitely isnt getting better looking with age poor guy, maybe that's the reason he is in rehab??!!

  2. Ahhh, this little gem reminds me of the olden days when I actually thought he was cute and couldn't figure out if I liked him more with LiLo or Hillary Duff.

    -reminiscence about youth-

  3. ... KD i've always confused him with Macauly calkin...

    p.s. I never checked if we liked Aaron or not??

  4. He does sorta look like Macaulay Culkin! I never thought of that before...

    We like Aaron because we feel sorry for Aaron. With no chance of having the success of his older brother Nick, and coming from a dysfunctional family who once let him spend the night with Michael Jackson (!), Aaron peaked in popularity (and potential) before he hit puberty. He's probably a spoiled jerk, but any white kid who was putting out poorly lip-synced rap videos at age 13 didn't have much of a chance anyway...

    So we like Aaron, even if it's only because his existence makes the rest of us feel a little better about ourselves...

    (Plus, I'm sorry, but I know every damned word to "Aaron's Party" it will NEVER STOP BEING GREAT.)

    KD, CAN YOU BELIEVE HE HAD BOTH OF THEM?! I still LOL thinking about those two scrapping over his scrawny ass. Those were the days!

  5. the song aarons party may or may not have been a total guilty pleasure of mine, and i may or may not have made a fool of myself in front of my boyfriend before we started dating by busting out in song and dance in the middle of the east village after imbibing too many jamo's on the rocks.

    but thats neither here nor there.

    wtshit, aaron carter? you look like a homely librarian woman now.

  6. ANY MAN who can see the potential in a girl who can rock out to a one-woman Aaron's Party show is a catch and should never be let go. TRUTH.

  7. damn, I saw that news yesterday about him being in rehab, wtf? Poor child, err, I mean man, (whaaaa???) Too bad he couldn't compete with his bubba. (I actually loved the BSB back in the day) >;-P