Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Flashback Post: The Teal Chameleons

(From MySpace, 2006.)

I was abnormal in my youth.

My brother and I formed a club with two of our neighbors when I was around 12 (I was the oldest and therefore obviously the President of said club). It was called the Teal Chameleons and I'm pretty sure the only reason I wanted to have a club was so that I could make up membership packets for everyone. I put everyone's name and position (John was "Bookeeper" because we decided "Secretary" was too feminine) on various sizes of manila envelops and also made a newsletter, created an expense report (WTF?!), and a membership application which for some odd reason included a space for your social security number. There was also a place to list three goals you wanted to accomplish through your membership but I notice I don't have a single filled out application in my Teal Chameleons folder, not even my own, probably because I hate setting goals.

Apparently I did not hate setting out rules, though, because there were two sets of them. The first set was a list of 4 along the lines of, "Don't talk when someone else is talking." I wrote those on a ceiling panel in pencil and nailed it to the wall in the barn (our meeting place). 12 years later and it's still there. I also typed them up in a special font and included them in the membership packet. Hilariously enough, I had yet another set of rules I labelled "criteria" which I'm going to share since it just proves how utterly Nazi-like I was and what the fuck was wrong with me?

Teal Chameleon Criteria

1. Every member must have one goal to reach for (see adjoining sheet). "Adjoining sheet" being the 2-page application. I'm guessing the "criteria" were what we gave to potential members should they be interested in joining although after reading this, it's no wonder we never expanded beyond the original four members.

2. Every meeting will have an intermission in which every member will spend at least 15 minutes doing something recreational outside, if the weather permits.

3. Every member much participate in activities which require some kind of skill or education, excluding sports. Example: EVERYONE (caps original) would help spy on the gang (I could easily write another blog entry on "the gang" and how it did not actually exist), but not everyone would have to play a game of basketball. (I hate basketball.)

4. Every member participates in projects. Example: EVERYONE would help clean out the creek.

5. If a member objects to a project or activity he or she has to participate unless three other members object to the same project or activity. (Note there were only four people in the club...)

6. Any member can impeach another member if three or more members agree on the impeachment. Yet, there must be a reason. Example: Someone is not doing their job.

7. If, for any reason, a parent objects to an activity or project, it is immediately aborted.  (IMMEDIATELY ABORTED.)

8. Every member must complete a membership form. (So I could collect social security numbers.)

9. If the President is impeached ALL official material must be returned to the President (see above theory about club being created for membership packet purposes only).

10. ALL members must agree to join a member into the club. It would not be fair to have one person suffer while the rest have fun.

Me again. Or, 2006 me again, I guess I should say. I'm thinking I was having some issues with the members of the club who weren't my brother and thus went overboard asserting my dominance in the form of elaborate "criteria." I did use a nice font, though, and some professional-looking spacing. I really should have scanned in the expense report as an accompanying graphic, but I sort of forgot to do that last night.

John found my Teal Chameleons folder a few nights ago and apparently got hysterical over it. I can see why. There were also some handwritten notes on how much of everyone's allowance should be put towards the club treasury and a few torn up sheets of paper from some sort of voting we did. Most were along the lines of "yes" or "no," but there was a set in which everyone had written something like, "yes and he has to dress up like a girl." I really wish I could remember what that was all about.


  1. That is classic!!! You did that all when you were twelve? Sounds like something a lawyer drew up!!! Well done! haha

    p.s. The B Channel never lets me comment under my google account for some reason... :(

  2. UGH, this blog is determined to undermine me in any way it can! :( I'm sorry; I'll see if I can find somewhere to complain about that to the Blogger people.

    Yeah, I have no idea how, at 12, I was coming up with phrases like "immediately aborted" but in hindsight, it cracks me up! When my parents moved, they left the rules nailed up in the barn, so I'm sure the kids who move in there are going to have a great laugh at my expense when they go exploring and find them stuck up on the wall. :D

  3. This is just priceless! Loving all the criteria!! :-)

    I was in a club myself when I was, like, 11 or so. Dude, we were serious about that shit. We had a President, a Secretary, even an Accountant (wtf?)! We did not, however, have awesome criteria like these, though. :)

  4. HA, that's awesome!! What is it with kids and clubs?! I love that you had an accountant! That sounds so "official." :) Hilariously enough, I found a really old diary of mine just the other day where I had written a long complaint about how no one in the club was following the rules! It's amazing I had any friends at all when I was that age. HA!!! :D