Thursday, December 19, 2013

2013 in Fifteen Conversations

Boy 1:
Him:  Hi!  Hahaha!  Fun!
Me:  Hi!  Hahaha!  Laughter!
Him:  Hi!  Hahaha!  Beer!
Me:  Hi!  Hahaha!  Drinking!
Him:  Hi!  Hahaha!  Fun!
Me:  Hi!  Hahaha!  Laughter!
Him:  ...
Me:  So...
Him:  Stop being crazy!  I NEVER LIKED YOU!
Him to everyone:  I NEVER LIKED HER.  EVER.

Boy 2:
Him:  I'm going to pay you loads of attention right now.  Like, so much attention.
Me:  Oh, okay.
Him:  No, seriously.  You don't even understand what I'm saying:  ATTENTION!
Me:  I'm okay with this.
Him:  Yeah.  ATTENTION!
Me:  Smiley face!
Him:  Just kidding!  Totally have a girlfriend.

Boy 3: 
Him:  I'm going to sit here next to you but not say anything.
Me:  Okay.
Him:  Silence.
Me:  Silence.
Him:  Are we going to hook up or what?
Him:  I'll be over here if you change your mind.

Boy 1 (again):
Him:  I'm back!
Me:  Oh, okay!
Him: I'd like us to go through the exact same scenario as before, only this time you know what I'm going to do at the end of it, but I want you to act like you have no idea what's coming.
Me:  Sounds awesome!  Hahaha!  Laughter!
Him:  Hahaha!  Beer!
Me:  Hahaha!  Fun!
Him:  Hahaha!  You are so great! 
Me:  Really?  So...  
Him:  You're insane and I can't stand you.

Boy 4:
Him:  Hi!  Talking!
Me:  Oh, hi!  Listening!
Him:  Hi again!  So much talking!
Me:  Oh, hi again!  More listening!
Him:  Hi for the billionth time!  I CAN'T STOP TALKING TO YOU.
Him:  ...
Me:  Um, hi?
Him:  Wait...what?

Boy 5:
Him:  Hey...
Me:  I was so drunk...
Him:  You're drunk right now.
Me:  Yeah, but...
Him:  Ugggggghhhhh, forget it; it's not worth it if I have to work for it. 

Boy 6: 
Him:  Formal introduction.
Me:  Return formal introduction. 
Him:  Yes?  No?  Maybe?
Me:  What the... 
Him:  Ugggggghhhhh, forget it; it's not worth it if I have to work for it.

Boy 2 (again):
Him:  You already know about the girlfriend, so you're cool if I still flirt with you, right?  

Boy 1 (yet again):
Him:  I'm back!
Me:  Again?!
Him:  You still like me!  Even though you don't know why!
Me:  Well, yes...
Him:  Hahaha, sucker!  All I do is sleep with people who aren't you.
Me:  But...
Him:  Any other woman in eyesight is preferable to you.  Pick anyone and I will date her.
Me:  But...
Him:  Literally, I would date that potted plant before you.

Boy 7:  
Him:  Hello!  I am approaching you!
Me:  I wrote a book!
Him:  You looked dumber than that when I walked over.  Goodbye. 

Boy 8:
Him:  I'm going to be really nice to you.
Me:  I don't have time for that shit right now. 

Boy 9: 
Him:  You are super great!
Me:  Thanks, but I don't know you.
Him:  Here I am again, you great person, you!
Me:  Okay, but I still don't know you.
Me:  Did you want to have a real conversation?
Him:  No.  And I'm never speaking to you again.

Boy 1 (yes, again):
Him:  I'm back!  AGAIN!  My life is so much better without you!
Me:  Oh.  But I wasn't ever...because remember...
Him:  My life is great!
Me:  Well, I'm glad because everyone deserves to be happy, it's just that I wish this hadn't turned into all of this, and...
Him (interrupting):  Hold up, I'mma go hit on your friends.

Boy 10: 
Him:  I'm really hot.
Me:  Do you even understand how frustrated I am?
Him:  Yes.  And I'm completely willing to let you take it out on me.
Me:  I'm going to, but by teasing you instead of using you because I want to make sure everyone is equally miserable.

Boy 11:
Him:  I'm going to friend you on Facebook and then never even make eye contact with you in real life.
Me:  That's the most reasonable thing I've heard all year.


Mr. Men from


  1. oyyyyyy... what to say to that ???

    Annie Sasha

    1. :) There's not much to say...except that hopefully 2014 will have a little less drama!! :)

    2. here is to a well-balanced 2014 ;)

      Annie Sasha

  2. Boy 7 is my favorite. At least he's honest enough not to play games? And he's such an ass I can mock him without feeling the least bit guilty about it. :)

    What happened with Boy 8?!? Is reconnection possible?

    And, Becky, my (other) greatest wish for you in 2014 is that Boy 1 is never seen in the land of Elvis again. :)