Him: Hi! Hahaha! Fun!
Me: Hi! Hahaha! Laughter!
Him: Hi! Hahaha! Beer!
Me: Hi! Hahaha! Drinking!
Him: Hi! Hahaha! Fun!
Me: Hi! Hahaha! Laughter!
Him: ...
Me: So...
Him: Stop being crazy! I NEVER LIKED YOU!
Him to everyone: I NEVER LIKED HER. EVER.
Boy 2:
Him: I'm going to pay you loads of attention right now. Like, so much attention.
Me: Oh, okay.
Him: No, seriously. You don't even understand what I'm saying: ATTENTION!
Me: I'm okay with this.
Him: Yeah. ATTENTION!
Me: Smiley face!
Him: Just kidding! Totally have a girlfriend.
Boy 3:
Him: I'm going to sit here next to you but not say anything.
Me: Okay.
Him: Silence.
Me: Silence.
Him: Are we going to hook up or what?
Me: YOU DIDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME.
Him: I'll be over here if you change your mind.
Boy 1 (again):
Him: I'm back!
Me: Oh, okay!
Him: I'd like us to go through the exact same scenario as before, only this time you know what I'm going to do at the end of it, but I want you to act like you have no idea what's coming.
Me: Sounds awesome! Hahaha! Laughter!
Him: Hahaha! Beer!
Me: Hahaha! Fun!
Him: Hahaha! You are so great!
Me: Really? So...
Him: You're insane and I can't stand you.
Boy 4:
Him: Hi! Talking!
Me: Oh, hi! Listening!
Him: Hi again! So much talking!
Me: Oh, hi again! More listening!
Him: Hi for the billionth time! I CAN'T STOP TALKING TO YOU.
Me: TALK TO ME ALWAYS.
Him: ...
Me: Um, hi?
Him: Wait...what?
Boy 5:
Him: Hey...
Me: I was so drunk...
Him: You're drunk right now.
Me: Yeah, but...
Him: Ugggggghhhhh, forget it; it's not worth it if I have to work for it.
Boy 6:
Him: Formal introduction.
Me: Return formal introduction.
Him: Soooo....sex? Yes? No? Maybe?
Me: What the...
Him: Ugggggghhhhh, forget it; it's not worth it if I have to work for it.Boy 2 (again):
Him: You already know about the girlfriend, so you're cool if I still flirt with you, right?
Boy 1 (yet again):
Him: I'm back!
Me: Again?!
Him: You still like me! Even though you don't know why!
Me: Well, yes...
Him: Hahaha, sucker! All I do is sleep with people who aren't you.
Me: But...
Him: Any other woman in eyesight is preferable to you. Pick anyone and I will date her.
Me: But...
Him: Literally, I would date that potted plant before you.
Boy 7:
Him: Hello! I am approaching you!
Me: I wrote a book!
Him: You looked dumber than that when I walked over. Goodbye.
Boy 8:
Him: I'm going to be really nice to you.
Me: I don't have time for that shit right now.
Boy 9:
Him: You are super great!
Me: Thanks, but I don't know you.
Him: Here I am again, you great person, you!
Me: Okay, but I still don't know you.
Him: GREAT! YOU ARE!
Me: Did you want to have a real conversation?
Him: No. And I'm never speaking to you again.
Boy 1 (yes, again):
Him: I'm back! AGAIN! My life is so much better without you!
Me: Oh. But I wasn't ever...because remember...
Him: My life is great!
Me: Well, I'm glad because everyone deserves to be happy, it's just that I wish this hadn't turned into all of this, and...
Him (interrupting): Hold up, I'mma go hit on your friends.
Boy 10:
Him: I'm really hot.
Me: Do you even understand how frustrated I am?
Him: Yes. And I'm completely willing to let you take it out on me.
Me: I'm going to, but by teasing you instead of using you because I want to make sure everyone is equally miserable.
Boy 11:
Him: I'm going to friend you on Facebook and then never even make eye contact with you in real life.
Me: That's the most reasonable thing I've heard all year.
Hashtag-true-story.
Mr. Men from mrmen.com.
oyyyyyy... what to say to that ???
ReplyDeleteAnnie Sasha
:) There's not much to say...except that hopefully 2014 will have a little less drama!! :)
Deletehere is to a well-balanced 2014 ;)
DeleteAnnie Sasha
Cheers to that! :D
Delete. . .
ReplyDeleteBoy 7 is my favorite. At least he's honest enough not to play games? And he's such an ass I can mock him without feeling the least bit guilty about it. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat happened with Boy 8?!? Is reconnection possible?
And, Becky, my (other) greatest wish for you in 2014 is that Boy 1 is never seen in the land of Elvis again. :)