Below is my exact inner dialogue during yesterday's Zoom Through the Zoo 4-miler.
Time to line up. God, there are so many freaking people here. I'm what? Halfway back? I'll have an extra two minutes added to my time before I even get to the starting line. Is that guy up there talking? Are we starting? I guess we're starting.
...
Praise the baby Jesus for this weather. Cloudy, cool...I could destroy this race if I was on top of my game. Which I am not even remotely. Aim for a 40-minute time.
...
Damn animals! That smell is the number one reason I did not enjoy my brief stint as a zoo employee.
...
Where the FUCK is the first mile marker?! This has got to be the longest goddamned mile I've ever run in my life. Dammit. I need to slow down if I'm going to make it the full four.
...
Uggghhh. How can it even be taking this long to run a mile? :(
...
Oh! Mile marker ahead! At last... Holy shit! Two miles! Where was mile one?!? 18:37? I'm doing AWESOME! I'm going to run faster now.
...
Faster.
...
I can do this.
....
Wow, this mile is kind of long.
...
But there's 3 miles. OH MY GOD LOOK AT MY TIME! I'm going to crush every single personal record EVER! I didn't even know it was possible for me to run this fast! I'm killing this thing. KILLING IT.
...
Hello, Breakaway people! Thank you for cheering me up this hill!
...
Hello, Friend I Haven't Talked to in Months! Thank you for cheering me while you wait for your fiancee!
...
I'm killing this. I am fucking annihilating this last mile. I can go faster. I am going faster. I'm going to do this in under 36 minutes...
...and I'm going to plow down every last runner in front of me on this final stretch if they don't pick up the damn pace. WHY IS THIS GIRL VEERING ALL OVER THE COURSE? Get out the way, bitch, get out the way. Seriously, I will shove you if you don't move.
And YES! I did it! My watch says... Wait. WHAT?!?? 37:05?! UGH, STUPID MENTAL MATH. I WAS SO WRONG ABOUT MY TIME AT MILE 3. God, I suck. I didn't come anywhere CLOSE to beating any record.
Goddammit.
I'm sad now.
Alright, not really. That was still an awesome run. Now where's the beer?
It probably wasnt funny at the time but its bloody funny now! Even tho it wasnt a PB, well done! Running with the smell of Zoo animals cannot be easy!
ReplyDeleteHaha, it was only maddening for about 5 minutes! Then I got over it. :D Several people said the race was actually 4.1 miles, and if that was the case, then I actually DID run a PR, because without that extra 0.1 miles, I would have been right at 36 minutes, or just under. And if the extra 0.1 miles was tacked onto the last mile (which I'm guessing it was), then I ran the last mile almost as fast as any mile I've ever run in my life. So even though my "official" time won't be all that impressive, I'm still happy with the way I ran it! :)
ReplyDelete(I just re-read that and realized how much I am a RUNNING NERD. You are very nice to humor me. :D)
You are a running nerd and fast or slow, I like the direction you are going ;-)
ReplyDelete^^^ Aw, thank you! A billion bonus points for making me smile doubly (with the sentiment and reference both :D).
ReplyDeletefunny :)
ReplyDeleteI have - no I gotta say had - these inner monologues too. If anyone would've ever looked into my brain when I was doing sports it was anything between: I can do this to have I done my laundry xD
Sasha
HA!! I love that! I'm all over the place, too, although when I'm truly in the zone, I'm not thinking anything at all. That's pretty rare, though... I still can't believe my time on that race! I think it wound up "officially" being 37:18 or something. Not bad at all (for me), but I could have SWORN I was going so much faster! :D
ReplyDeleteYep, but gettin into this zone for me always has been like a lottery win - seems like my brain just won't let go #FUmybrain
ReplyDeletehahaha I often feel like I'm slow as a snail - like I'm not gettin any meter done #HorribleFeeling and the harder I try to run faster the slowlier/slower (?) I get #FUmybody
xD
Sasha
Sasha, your hashtags CRACK ME UP! :D And you're totally on to something with trying to run fast but then actually getting slower...the times when I've run the fastest have been times when I had *no idea* I was going as fast as I was. Weird how that works out... And even when I'm training for a long race and get to the point where running 10 or 12 miles feels okay, I sometimes have runs where I only go 2 or 3 miles and feel like I can hardly make it.
ReplyDeleteActually, thinking about it this way, running is a kind of mental torture and I'm not sure why any of us put ourselves through it! :D
:)
ReplyDeleteoh yeah, and don't you feel stupid when you get the idea of: Why don't I make any mile here??
And feel like you look like a complete jerk? (when you wanna get faster and faster but get slower and slower (and if it's only because it feels like it) #LookingLikeAjerkRunning
Tell me about it, these days are horrible... I had days (again I still have to re-start my joggin) where already in the first minute I already felt like stopping all over xD
THAT is indeed a good question: Why even???
Sasha
I've left my house at 6:15 am two of the last three mornings to run. "Why even???" is DEFINITELY a question I often ask myself... ;)
ReplyDelete:) gottcha
ReplyDeleteSasha
OMG! That was AWESOME! :)
ReplyDelete:D Glad you enjoyed it!!
Delete