"The wise reject what they think..."

I read this ancient Tao story, attributed to Chuang Tzu, a couple of weeks ago, and it resonated so deeply with me that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it:

There was a man who was so disturbed by the sight of his own shadow and so displeased with his own footsteps that he determined to get rid of both. The method he hit upon was to run away from them.

So he got up and ran. But every time he put his foot down there was another step, while his shadow kept up with him without the slightest difficulty.

He attributed his failure to the fact that he was not running fast enough. So he ran faster and faster, without stopping, until he finally dropped dead.

He failed to realize that if he merely stepped into the shade, his shadow would vanish, and if he sat down and stayed still, there would be no more footsteps. 

This is me.  This is me being anxious about a boy.  This is me not knowing if I’m making the right decisions in terms of what I am and am not writing at the moment.  This is me getting swept up in the weekly cycle I referenced in the last entry, where everything is loud, and a crisis, and big, and even though I know how much better I feel when I let it go, some part of me must be addicted to that drama and chaos or else I wouldn’t keep returning to it.

Some part of my identity is tied to feeling like there’s no such thing as pushing too hard.  I push myself, I push other people, and then, as if to deny that, I say that I’m going to sit in the shade and relax…but I can’t stand it for long, and I get up again and start running.

Here’s another story I read recently:

One day a young Buddhist on his journey home came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him, he pondered for hours on how to cross such a wide barrier. Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river. The young Buddhist yelled over to the teacher, “Oh wise one, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river?”

The teacher pondered for a moment, looked up and down the river, and yelled back, “My son, you are on the other side.”

Headline quote.  Tao story.  Zen story.  Picture 1.  Picture 2.