Ode to Cheap Beer in a Can

There are so many things that I do well,
It's disgusting, really, how much I excel.
And among the things that I do right,
I stick to beer that's canned and light.

Keep your micros, you hapless sops.
Screw tasting barley, wheat, and hops.
I'll take mine watered down and swilly,
Tinny aftertaste and slightly chilly.

I like a buzz that comes with time,
Only after seven, eight, or nine.
A Keystone Light, two Old Milwaukees,
Drink a Natty, and tap the Rockies.

An Ultra hits well after running,
Bud Light? Oh my God, it's stunning.
To sip all day and wake up fine -
Not what you'd get from booze or wine.

At Costco you can buy a beer,
So light it damn well might be clear.
Advice for at the grocery store:
Buy the beers stocked near the floor.

And when I'm at the Slider Inn,
It's Miller tallboys there within.
(I used to live off PBR,
But it felt too snobby for that bar.)

Drink for health and drink for fun,
But God Almighty don't just drink one.
You need a beer to chug down quick.
Bottles and glasses?  Fuck that shit.

The perfect drink, I have discovered,
Is something this here poem covered.
I think there's nothing better than
A cheap, light beer, served in a can.