Stepping back

Back in the day, when you had to get film developed, quite a bit of time could elapse between taking a picture and seeing it. There's no story to go with the photo above, because by the time it was printed, no one in our family remembered what Grandma and I were reacting to. Earlier this week, Mom was looking for it so she could add it to the group of photos she was taking to the funeral home.

"That picture of you and Grandma looking like..."

"I know exactly the one," I interrupted. "I have it on my phone because I took a picture of it the last time I was at your house."

But there was no way for us to get it off of my phone and into a frame, a weird little reminder that sometimes "progress" is little more than a synonym for "overly-complicated."

Grandma was 94, so her death was not unanticipated, but the timing was a little unexpected. The whole family dropped everything to come to Illinois — everyone made it — and while it was a very sad occasion, it was also proof of the incredible importance of family, and of how none of the things that keep all of us so terribly busy all the time can't be walked away from. We all stopped so we could come together, and the world kept right on spinning while we did.

For some time now, I've been thinking about taking a break from blogging, and I think now is a good time for me to do that. Not "quitting" or taking down this blog...but relieving myself of the pressure to post. To not feel obligated. Because I do feel obligated. I put that pressure on myself, and when a week or two goes by and I haven't written anything, I feel bad. And that's emotional energy that is not being well-spent.

The important-seeming things that fill up our day-to-day aren't always that important. I have a deep and persistent feeling that I'm supposed to be doing something right now that I'm not. I don't know what it is, but I don't think it has anything to do with blogging.