Friday, April 18, 2014

Internet Continues to be Becky Heineke's Bitch

Near the start of this month, I noticed that Google+ had started adding view counts to profiles. Impressed by the numbers I was seeing on others’ pages, I checked my own…and then I learned the true meaning of impressed. I AM ASTOUNDINGLY POPULAR. I am literally as popular as Green Day on Google+. I am so freaking popular that I, alone, stand as proof that people (other than me) still look at Google+ profiles.

Obviously, this new understanding (via cold hard numbers) that I am the most awesome person I know (as if I wasn’t already aware) has been life-altering.  For one, it’s led to me checking my Google+ profile more often, which, in turn, notches up my Google+ profile view count.  Secondly, it means that I can be even more judgmental than I already was about Facebook.  Facebook, after all, doesn’t have view counts, which means I’ve had to expend inordinate amounts of energy figuring out my popularity, long-hand.  I mean, as if Facebook hadn’t wasted enough of my time already…
Victoria Beckham's birthday party

In related news, Victoria Beckham, who is beating me in Google+ views but not by as much as you might think, turned forty yesterday.  It was an occasion that no one knew or cared about beforehand, but seemed, after a couple of a beers, like a really good reason to drink strong pink shots of something strong and pink last night at the Slider Inn.

And see, lots of people would have posted about that on their social media profiles, because announcing to your entire known social circle that you’re just a happening gal who toasts to Posh Spice by way of questionable alcohol choices with an in-hindsight-really-random assortment of friends means, in Internet Code, “MY LIFE IS FUN AND GOOD TIMES.”

But I didn't do that.  I instead waited to convey that message in a blog entry in which the main theme is that there is a metric by which I, Becky Heineke, am almost ten times as popular as The Beatles.

I really did have a fun night last night.  I really do (inexplicably) have that many views.

I really don't, however, want to pass up this opportunity to remind myself - and everyone else - not to believe everything we see on the internet...


  1. nawwww c'mon, own up to it... all you do all day is click your profile ;)

    happy easter from germany
    Annie S.

    1. Haha, you caught me! (I didn't really get a job; I'm just spending that time clicking my profile. ;))

      Happy Easter!!!! :)

    2. Aw, man! I just rechecked the numbers and Green Day has surged ahead. :( Well, it was fun while it lasted. (This is why God invented screenshots.)