Dear Males of the World,

A couple of years ago, when my brother was still working at the Hard Rock Cafe here in Memphis, my parents and I were downtown and he introduced us to several of his co-workers.  I was drinking a beer (of course) and one of his co-workers asked me, "I'm sorry, but how old are you?  Should you be drinking that?"

She thought I was sixteen.  At the time, I was twenty-seven, and I got a round of applause for looking so youthful.  Another co-worker - male - said, "I'm buying you a drink for that."  He took me to the bar, got me a drink, and later told my brother that if he didn't already have a girlfriend, he would *totally* date me.

To which I said, "Oh, John.  He wouldn't have any idea what he was getting into."

Extrapolating from that story a larger message, and one which I am directing toward an annoyingly vague group of males who have done things to annoy me which I am going to be annoyingly vague about, my thoughts are thus:

MAN THE FUCK UP.  SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU.

Also, the gentleman referenced above should not have assumed that I would have said yes if he'd asked me. 

The end.